Is It Nighttime Yet??

It's a time of regrouping around here.  In some small ways -- because it's summer, and we can change gears and change focus.  And lose some focus.  In some big ways, too.  Sometimes, things come together (or fall apart) in a way that simply insist you take a look at how things are working.  Life can be... intense.  

So, some stepped up self-care is now in the mix.  In the last month, it's been cranial-sacral chiropractic appointments, acupuncture and Chinese medicine, various western med perspectives, SLEEP, no caffeine -- yep, it's all on the table.  I'm fine.  But, changes are required.  

The first order of business has been a nightly herbal foot bath, recommended by the Chinese medicine practitioner I'm seeing.  Each night as I move through the ritual of setting up my soak, I think, "Doctor's orders!"  What better way to end the day, and the "doing"?  I literally cannot get/do/make that for you -- my feet are in a tub of water.  (I have been asked to do this for a whole month.  A whole month.  Yes, I willlllllll.)

This topic (self-care, that is, not wet feet) reminds me of a favorite conversation among parents.  Years ago, a friend had a beautiful idea for a group aimed at supporting parents and caregivers of infants and toddlers.  She asked me and a couple of other colleagues to join her in starting it up.  We called it the Family Connection Program, and I had the pleasure of running the program as well being on the steering committee.  Every week we had time to talk about topics that families were interested in.  One of the most memorable for me was about caring for ourselves.  On this morning, one mother talked about how restorative it was to go away for the weekend without her child.  Another mother shared that on that rainy morning (as on many others), she sat in the car in the parking lot for five minutes before joining us.  Her two kids were buckled into the backseat happily listening to a favorite cd, and she sat quietly in the front with her hot tea.

Caring for ourselves can come in so many packages.  It isn't one-size-fits-all.  It isn't even one-strategy-always-works-for-you.  And sometimes we think we're doing it -- and it turns out, we're not.

The other day the kids and I were out, and we needed lunch.  So aware of accumulated wear and tear -- and that the day before had been my birthday! -- I decided we would go to lunch somewhere we had never eaten before.  (Are you picturing your children's eyes widening at this decision in the backseat like my children's were?)  Yes.  That's right, kids.  I enjoy doing new things.  I like trying new things on menus.  I realized just how long it had been since we had done something new.  I like new!  I need new sometimes!  We had a lovely, lovely lunch.  Everyone found something on the menu they liked.  It was just what I needed.  (Until the sun set, that is, and I could get my feet back in the tub, that is...)

What's happening here??  Let me get a closer look...

The Thing About Saturday

Saturday I walked around thinking this,
"I've done nothing today."

Two things --
One: I felt just fine about that.
And, two: Turns out, it was absolutely not true.

Here's what I actually did:
:: cleaned the bathroom
:: swept the playroom floor
:: cleaned up the living room
:: made a healthy and delicious dinner
:: had a friend over to play
:: was kind, loving, gentle, and generous to my family

Here's what else happened.
My children:
:: played peacefully together
:: read
:: drew
:: wrote
:: relaxed
:: laughed
:: imagined
:: talked

All those things are not "nothing."
I'm really trying to break this very, very bad habit.

If You Build It...

Every once in a while it's time to gather up all the pencils, markers, crayons, scissors, glue sticks and what-nots from all corners of the house.  I scoop them up, drop them in jars, set them where little hands can reach, and voila!  It's like they have magnetic pull on small hands.  It's a force of nature.  Love this.

It got me thinking about this idea -- strategically placing "things" around "places."  I've been doing this for so long, I don't remember where or when or why or how it started for me.  I remember doing it when I worked at a University Lab School with infants, toddlers, and preschoolers as "curriculum."

  

And I remember coming across a Feng Shui principle that says we should keep the things we want to get around to doing in our environment (insert photo of dusty guitar case leaning on armoire here.  And stacks of fabric and sewing books. Wait.  I might not totally get Feng Shui -- isn't there also something about "clutter" in there, too?  But, this is not my point.)

And I've always done it with my children.  With all sorts of things.  Books, games, art supplies, and other items of potential interest.  A friend recently pointed out that this has been given a name: "strewing." 

It makes me wonder how else I could apply this idea to my life, to my children's, that would support other important experiences.  Support in a meaningful way, that isn't contrived or manipulated.  Or, how perhaps, I already do, but haven't thought about it.  

I'd love to hear your thoughts about it, too.  Leave a comment and share!

Can We Talk?

So, I'm just going to say it.  I'm in a funk.  I hate it when that happens.  I really, really hate it.  One of the things I hate about it is that it hits without warning.  Oh, and also, how long will it last?!  And, how did I land "Here?!"

It's not an all-around funk, this one.  It's really more about how I feel I'm spending my time with my children lately.  It's nothing new to have a house and life full of "chores" -- who doesn't have a sink full of dishes, toys and books on the floor, bags dropped at the front door, meals to cook, emails to return, commitments to show up on time for?  It feels like it's more about how I'm holding it all.

When I step back and look objectively at the "things" done together each day, it looks okay.  We do fun things, get our "work" done reasonably well.  It's not "all work & no play."  We're happy -- we talk and laugh and enjoy ourselves together (mostly, overall, you know what I mean).  So, what's going on?

Is it "overcommitment" and fewer opportunities for spontaneity and relaxation?  Am I more distracted by something (or somethings)?  Is life out of focus somehow at the moment?  And if so, why?  Has there been a series of unnoticed or subtle shifts in our individual and family development, and I'm not yet caught up?  Am I "out-of-step?"  Is life just running too fast for me right now?  Have I still not gotten the hang of parenting two children?  Am I moving as a "parent of one" -- with two kids?  Is this overwhelm?  Have I lost it -- my parenting mojo?  (Can you link those two ideas together?)  Are we doing too many of the things we should be doing and not enough of the things we want to be doing?  Or am I just tired?  And how do I turn this around?  Or, is this one of those I wait out?  (I have such mixed feelings about that one!  I'm not good at waiting; although, waiting versus doing doesn't sound half-bad when I'm this tired...)  I don't mean to be over-dramatic about this.  And, I have been known to overthink a situation a time or two.  But Something is missing.  Or I'm missing Something.

This happens from time to time -- probably to everyone, I imagine?  (Right?  Please say it happens to you, too...)  And, of course, it does always turn around.  But, boy do I hate how it feels in the meantime!

Thanks for "listening."  I'd sure love to hear your thoughts on the matter...



"Snap out of it!"



Learning

I'm really enjoying a new book right now (who knew that I had time to read?!) -- it's called "Mitten Strings for God." I'd love to tell you why it's called that, but it's very sweet to discover the meaning as you read. So I won't spoil it for you. One of the things she writes about is that our children teach us things. While I don't disagree with her, it isn't where I've found the most pleasure in the book. I bring it up, however, because of what I learned from Baby L today.

When Baby L was days old, I learned that my "too much movement overstimulates babies" philosophy isn't always true. And it wasn't true for him. I learned this after several nights of full-blown newborn infant screaming. Poor guy. In desperation I told J (my husband) to find some batteries for the bouncy seat; maybe there's a reason they all have that vibrate-y function?! Yes, that seemed comforting to him. A friend told me her secret: deep knee bends. What?! I learned one of my own: rocking so vigorously in the rocking chair that I thought we'd tip over.

Fast forward six months. Baby L has never been an easy sleeper. Over the months we've had many variations in sleep -- none simple, relaxing, or predictable. (Unless you count "predictably unpredictable.") Last night we were back to just plain difficult, and no one got any sleep. And today he was very tired all day. But, he couldn't get to sleep. We were in the kitchen, I was holding him, and I remembered that a couple days ago he had fallen asleep while I bounced to a new cd (this was not my intention at the time). This cd was playing.

I learned today that movement I wouldn't think conducive to sleep still works to coax this guy to sleep. I learned that Jack Johnson's new cd "En Concert" is perfect for dancing babies to sleep. It's the perfect combination of upbeat and mellow for hip-swayin', foot-tappin', knee-bendin', booty-shakin' snuggling a baby on your chest, nuzzling his sweet head under your chin mama-dancin' in the kitchen.

And, it's a really good cd.